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To prepare for your sensual BDSM experience, create erotic energy by setting the mood for getting intimate and feeling safe. Gentle and passionate kisses set the stage for trust and connection, which is very important. Adding ambiance with music, candlelight, feathers, finger foods and drinks to heighten all of the senses can enhance the mood for sensuality.


Before embarking on any BDSM or power play, be sure to share your concerns, fears, desires, and interests so you can both come up with a mutually understood set of limits and guidelines.

Set up a way to communicate while you are playing to let your partner know how things are going. This is an important aspect of safety and essential to create trust and security. Safe words are used to stop play immediately without hesitation. It's good practice to use non-sexual terms for safe words to maximize communication. Don't use words that are sometimes spoken during consensual sex, such as NO and STOP, because these words can be a turn-on in role-play, sex, and BDSM scenes.

For safe words, using the stop light system is an effective way to communicate, where saying means keep going I love this, means you're at my limits, and means and check in with me now.

Ice Play:

Sensation and temperature play is a form of BDSM power play where objects and substances are used to stimulate the body for sensual effect. Many couples have experimented with using ice cubes on their lover's body to spice up their sex life. But you can take it a step farther if the focus is on teasing the submissive by the dominant. And like many simple erotic acts, ice play can be turned into a veritable kinky art form, depending upon how and where you use it.

Sensual Biting:

Most people typically don't think of biting as a form of sex play, but surprisingly, Alfred Kinsey found that 55% of females and 50% of males reported having responded erotically to being bitten. Whether it's gentle nibbling or offering a firm love bite, biting can be an extremely passionate and enthusiastic BDSM behavior. It's important to begin erotic biting gently and use good communication to find what is mutually pleasurable. Some people enjoy the use of teeth, others prefer more of a suction action, and a few enjoy a combination. Because biting has the potential to leave marks, it's always a good idea to discuss skin marks and areas to bite before beginning.

Sensual Fingernail Scratching:

Fingernail scratching on your partner's body can be an erotic rush for many people. It's a wonderful way to stimulate the skin and create unique sensations. You can vary the sensation felt by your partner by changing the pattern of scratching, whether it's digging into the skin, scratching in a straight line, or in zigzag motions. Remember to discuss scratching limits and leaving marks on your body with your partner.

Sensual Hair Pulling:

An erotic activity shared by two partners is hair pulling. For some, it can be a powerful expression of dominance and submission. When we pull hair erotically, we have to remember to not pull from the end of the hair. For most people, that's not pleasurable pain. For better hair pulling technique, take your flattened hand and slide it upwards beginning at the back of the neck. Get your fingers interlocked with their hair while your flat hand is nestled against their scalp. When you reach the top portion of their head, grip the hair while making a fist and keep your hand close to their scalp. Now you have a firm hold of their hair, which is close to the scalp. Adjust your grip and the pulling according to your partner's desire. For more advanced hair pulling, try it with two hands.

Sensual Restraints:

Whenever we tie anything to our partners, such as scarves, belt, rope, or neckties, we have to keep safety in mind. Always check to make sure there is enough space between the restraint and their skin. A good rule is to be able to slip one finger in between the restraint and the skin. This will allow for circulation and better comfort. Also, keep a pair of surgical scissors handy, in case you need to remove the restraint immediately.

Sensual Blindfolding:

By using a blindfold to cover your lover's eyes, you can accentuate all of their other senses, and it can help both partners to feel less inhibited and more daring.

Depriving the senses, such as using a blindfold to remove sight and restraining someone to remove their sense of touch can heighten arousal. It's a way to increase the sensations of other senses, like hearing, smelling and tasting during sensual BDSM play.

Take Charge Of Your Own Orgasm LIKE IT! RETWEET! | Published inSEX & TOYS Tagged under

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An orgasm should be thought of not as the climax of a specific act, but should include the act itself.
Posted on Tuesday, November 13 2012- 0 Comments

By Lady Cheeky

In this fast food culture, women's sexual release is often relegated to the back of the bus. Nowhere is this more evident than in the female orgasm and how it's attained.

As a woman who went on a sexual discovery journey I learned a few things on the way about orgasms in general and orgasms for women specifically. For instance, an orgasm should be thought of not as the climax of a specific act, but should include the act itself. Candice Holdorf, columnist for The Orgasmic Life and elephant journal has a definition of orgasm that really resonated with me. Candice explains:

"... orgasm is pulsing breath of life that births every moment. Orgasm is the chilly tickle on the edge of my skin as my lover draws his tongue from the edge of my ear to the tip of my nipple. It's the warm flush in my face and genitals when I reveal a taboo desire. It is the fire of my hunger and the blazing force that opens me to pleasure."

This definition of orgasm refers to all-encompassing act where a woman can fully take advance of and surrender to all the pleasures that lead up to her climax. But how can we achieve this heightened state?

Give Yourself Permission

I'm not being patronizing. As women we do it all, we are breadwinners, mothers, students, career women and a lot more. We do so much for others on a daily basis that we sometimes forget that it is just as important (if not more so) to nurture ourselves with as much care. When you are in the position to be receiving an orgasm, whether it's by yourself or with a partner, take a moment to recognize that this is your time. Give yourself permission to accept the love and the pleasure that comes with such an intimate act. Relax into the moment with deep breaths and stilling your mind. Concentrate on how your partner is touching you (or you are touching yourself.) Allow the glorious feelings that come with this directed touch to reverberate within and use it as an opportunity to connect on a deeper level with yourself and/or your partner i.e. your needs, your pleasure zones, your relaxation. This is a time to connect intimately with your partner and even with yourself.

Let Your Senses Guide You

Your senses are your best friend in orgasm, they communicate with you by their degree of intensity. Don't forget about them and let them happen. Pay attention to what they are telling you. Do you get goose bumps when she flicks her tongue on your belly button? Do you get wet when he kisses your neck? Do you flinch with pleasure when you massage your mons? Your body's various levels of response to certain stimulation is information about how you like to cum and it's not all physical either. What your partner whispers in your ear can lead to a visceral response as well. Even the music you play or pure silence punctuated with your own breathing and moans could be something that excites you. Whatever it is, make note of it and communicate it with your partner later (or show him by moans and groans while he's doing it) or if flying solo, make a mental note for yourself for next time.

Set The Stage

Respect the time you've set aside for orgasm and make certain you don't inadvertently set yourself up to fail. If you're anxiously awaiting a call from work in an hour, chances are you won't be able to fully relax into your body and be present. Make sure you honor this time and set the stage for an intimate and sexy rendezvous with yourself and/or your partner. Do candles get you in the mood? Light ‘em up! Does Enya make you feel sultry? Pop her in the iPod. Maybe you feel sexy naked or like to lounge about in just a bra? Perhaps you like to be in the dark or in a freshly made bed? Whatever it is, don't be stingy. This is YOUR time and you should make it count.